


We'll Fight, but First We'll Live

by Sassaphrass



Series: Taking on the World Together [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Romance, Families of Choice, First Kiss, First Love, Gen, Jon Snow knows nothing, M/M, Military School AU, Sam is Precious, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, awkward teenagers, but he can ANGST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-09 22:40:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassaphrass/pseuds/Sassaphrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam Tarly is as surprised as anyone that handsome and dangerous Jon Snow wants to be his friend. Jon Snow is everything Sam's not: good at drills, tough, strong and completely uninterested in academics. </p><p>But in a place like Black Castle Military School, you hold on to whatever friends you can get, and hope like seven hells that the world outside is better than the one you're living in now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Samwell Tarly knows nothing

**Author's Note:**

> There is a sad lack of Sam/Jon fics on this site. Please consider this my humble offering to the gods of Fandom. Updates every week. This is more based on the television show but I have read the books and they are the book canon ages (more or less).

           There's something almost frightening about Jon Snow. He's the second newest boy at Black Castle Military School for Boys, affectionately known as The Wall for the Convicted and the Cast Away, where the hard cases were sent by the system and the unwanted were sent by their families.

           Samwell is the newest boy and he belonged there in his own sad pathetic way. It was obvious to everyone he was in the second group and it was obvious to everyone why that was. He was fat, soft hearted and cowardly, no wonder his family didn't want him. Sam saw the world and humanity in much the same way as the other cast offs and hard cases did. It was hard and tough and there wasn't much hope in it for boys like them. No one was going to help them, and unless there was a miracle most of them would die young and poor without having amounted to anything. Dreams didn't come true, hearts were broken and they were doomed from the moment they found themselves at the most infamous military school in the country.

           Jon was different. For starters it wasn't obvious to anyone why he was there. He didn't act like a criminal but he didn't act like a castoff either. He didn't posture like Rast or threaten and extort like Karl but he didn't cringe like Sam or flinch like Pyp or stumble and stutter over his words like Grenn. Popular opinion had it that he must be a criminal, because, for all he looked almost as pretty as a girl, the boy did have a real talent for violence.

           Pyp and Grenn had told Sam about the first time someone had tried to jump Jon in the yard: everyone thought that the good looking boy with the posh voice was about the have 12 types of shit beaten out of him. Instead the 3 boys who'd gone after him had ended up moaning on the ground and one of them had a broken nose.

 

           So, Pyp and Grenn thought Jon must be a criminal of some kind, probably sent to the Wall for starting fights. Sam wasn't sure, because, capacity for arse kicking aside, Sam didn't think he'd ever met someone as kind and, well, as innocent as Jon Snow.

           The boy liked to draw wolves, and had once gotten into a screaming match with a teacher over the merits of non-violent conflict resolution. How could someone like that be a criminal?

 

           For all that Sam came from a rich family he knew a lot about cruelty, pain, abandonment and humiliation. Jon didn't seem to even understand that some people really were as awful as they seemed, that someone would ever hurt people for fun or boredom. Every time something horrible happened or someone let slip one of the many awful details of the miserable lives that had brought his friends to the Wall he seemed shocked and appaled that something like that could happen .

           Somehow, Jon had decided that Pyp, Grenn, Edd and Sam were his friends and that no one was going to hurt his friends (anymore). He protected them but, more than that he tried to teach them how to fight, how to make weapons, how to hide the weapons they already had and what to do if someone attacked them any one of what felt like a hundred different ways.

Pyp and Grenn were right. There was no way that Jon could know the things he knew and not be a criminal.

            Jon probably hung around because Sam was the only other boy from a posh family in the school and though the hard cases were afraid to try and attack Jon physically now, it didn't stop them from laughing at him because of his posh voice, pretty face and impeccable manners. Jon was probably some sort of rich problem child who was too much of a snob to bother with the other criminal types.

 

            One night Sam found himself on what they all jokingly called 'Watch Duty', an off the books punishment that Mr. Thorne who ran the military training doled out, where you had to stand on the roof all night in the cold.

“Why are you here Sam?” Jon asked suddenly after standing in silence for what felt like hours.

 

“Wha?” Sam mumbled. He'd been half asleep on his feet.

 

“Why are you here Sam? You don't belong in this sort of place.” Jon said.

 

“Oh and you do Lord Snow?” Sam snapped.

 

Jon winced at the name and Sam immediately felt awful. Lord Snow was one of the names the other boys had for Jon, kinder than what they called Sam, which was Lady Piggy ,but still, a name Jon didn't like. Sam had never called him that before.

 

“I mean, you belong here about as much as I do.” Sam muttered.

 

“You're wrong Sam.” Jon sighed. “I've always known I'd end up at Castle Black Military School eventually. I _do_ belong here. You don't though. How did you end up here?”

 

Sam glanced at him and gulped. Jon had somehow found out the stories of the other boys in there little group. Pyp who'd been dumped here after his stepdad tried to bad-touch him and Pyp had kicked him in the nuts so hard that apparently some important bits had ruptured. Grenn who'd been abandoned outside a farmhouse as a small child and never been wanted since.

 

If he didn't tell Jon, then Jon would find out some other way. Sam was sure of that.

 

He tried to pretend it wasn't a big deal, like it was a joke. “My father said if I didn't come here quietly he'd kill me.”

 

Jon looked at him very closely. The dim blue light above the door to the downstairs makes him look otherworldly, his hair not even showing up against the dark, his skin so pale it seemed to glow in the half light and his eyes like big black pools.

 

“That's true isn't it?” Jon said softly. “Your father really was going to kill you.”

 

“Maybe he wouldn't have done. But he said he would, and he meant it.”

 

Jon nodded and stared out into the darkness.

 

Finally he spoke: “My father was very kind.”

 

“Is he dead then?”

 

“No. Just gone. He left for a job down south.”

 

Sam nodded. “Lot's of fathers leave it seems.”

 

“He didn't leave us. Not really. He'll come visit me in a few months. You'll see.”

 

          Jon was still looking out into the dark and Sam was really glad for that suddenly, because if there was one thing that Sam knew for certain it was that Jon's father wouldn't visit. Maybe he'd mean to but he'd never show up. That was how things worked around here, and he was very sorry that Jon was going to have to learn that soon.

 

“If he's so great why're you here?” Sam couldn't help but ask.

 

“I'm a bastard. Literally.” Jon said without emotion.

 

“But, surely that doesn't matter these days? Hell, I'd be surprised if half the boys round here know who their dad is.”

 

“It matters to my father, and his family. It matters to me. See, my oldest brother is 2 months older than me. My father was married and fucked my mum and made me. I'm just a stupid mistake that everyone would rather pretend hadn't happened.” Jon spits out.

 

Sam could see he was hurt and angry and took a step back, because he'd been there long enough to know that that's when someone ws more likely to lash out and try and make someone hurt physically as much as they hurt mentally.

 

He wants to ask how, if his father is so good, Jon knows how to fight so well, and when he learned how to improvise weapons out of almost anything.

 

              But he doesn't. Here on the wall everyone has secrets it's better never to learn. Sam doesn't want to know how Grenn got the terrible scar that twists round his shoulder and upper arm, as wide as two fingers at some points. Sam doesn't want to know what Pyp's stepfather must have been like that he can be so happy and cheerful in this hellhole. Pyp and Grenn don't want do know the things Randyl Tarly did to make Sam lie quietly and take a terrible beating.

 

         Jon looks out into the night, looking heartbroken and furious at once, and Sam decides he doesn't want to know how Jon, who's never known cruelty and whose father was kind, learned how to fight like the very devil.

 

There are some truths it's better not to know. So Sam doesn't ask, and he goes on imagining that Jon isn't a criminal, while secretly suspecting he really is.

 

It's better than knowing for sure.


	2. Firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon gets beaten up. Sam has a heart to heart with him. Everyone learns stuff but no one has a clue what to do with it. Fluffily Fluffed Fluff on a bed of Fluff. Did I mention the fluff?

Someone had finally managed to beat the stuffing out of Jon. Half his face was swollen and purple and his lip was split. Sam's not sure who did it but he has his theories. Mr. Thorne looked smug whenever he glances at Jon and given the not-at-all-secret animosity that governed all interactions between the two, it was a good theory.

Besides, whenever it had happened it hadn't been in the yard. It was an unspoken but strictly enforced rule of Black Castle that any fights in the yard would be tolerated or encouraged but violence anywhere else would be immediately stopped and severely punished.

 

So, Sam guessed, even if Mr. Thorne hadn't actually held Jon down and repeatedly punched him in the face he'd looked the other way when someone else had.

 

Sam doesn't understand why Thorne hates Jon the way he does, since Jon is by far the best student in the place if you average out the defiance, obediance, intelligence and bone crunching stupidity, all of which Jon displays regularly. Not to mention Jon's one of the few boys who actually cares about the military stuff Mr. Thorne teaches.

 

Sam was hiding out in the far end of the library, where no one- not even the teachers went, when Jon found him.

 

Sam put down his book as Jon moved gingerly to sit down next to him on the floor and leaned his head against the wall. His face must hurt like a bitch Sam thought, but you'd never know it the way he acts- which is as if getting beaten up so badly his left eye can't even open all the way is a regular thing. Which, to be fair, it kind of is at the Wal for everyone who isn't Jon Snow.

 

Jon didn't say anything, so to fill the silence Sam spoke up: “It's rubbish that we can't leave the grounds ever. I mean, why do they think depriving a couple hundred teenage boys of female company is going to make them more disciplined and not lead to a collective break down of the social norms they're trying to instill, to wit: I'm pretty sure at least half our class is buggering each other.”

 

Jon turned his head, looked at Sam, blinked once, very slowly and then turned back to staring at the wall across from them.

 

Sam continued. “I mean, during the brief but wonderful time in which I actually managed to have sex regularly I know I felt generally better about everything.” And then my Dad decided that having an incompetant buffoon of a son that didn't hate himself was worse than having one that did and he shipped me here, Sam added in his head.

 

“You had a girlfriend?” Jon asked

 

Sam frowned. “Well, I'm not sure if we were like, really official or anything but, we liked each other and she...well..you know...” Sam trailed off blushing.

 

Jon did the slow head, turn, blink once, return to original position thing again. “I don't actually.”

 

“I suppose we were best friends that occasionally had a shag?” Sam said.

 

“Huh.” Jon said without moving.

 

“You've probably had loads of girlfriends, bet they're all clawing each others eyes out to go out with you.” Sam joked, not bitter at all, because, excluding the terrifyingly intense moments of physical violence, Jon is the best person Sam's ever met. The kind he didn't think actually existed until he came here.

 

Jon's eyes flicked over for a second to meet his but other than that he doesn't move a muscle.

 

“No, there's never been anyone.” He said softly.

 

“What never? I don't believe that! Not with a face like yours.” Because though there is some debate about Jon's position as best fighter and most competent student, there's no doubt that, when not black and blue about the face, he's the most handsome of any of the boys in school.

 

Jon shrugged. “My brother's teammate snogged me at a part once when he was completely plastered, tried to stick his tongue down my throat and- well, I knocked him down. Wasn't hard too considering how off his head he was at the time. I don't think it counts.”

 

Sam frowned. “So, you like boys then?”

 

Jon shrugged again. “I've never really...it's never seemed important before. I just mentioned Theon because he's the only one who's ever... really pushed the issue.”

 

“He shouldn't have done, even if he was drunk.”

 

“Eh, that's just Theon” Jon replied. “He's a mean fella, always fucking and fighting and sticking his hand down the front of some girl's top.”

 

Sam frowned and looked at Jon who was still staring at the wall.

 

“So, he didn't care about you?”

 

Jon chuckled. “Theon cares about Theon, and maybe about Robb a little bit because they're mates, but mostly about Theon.”

 

“And you've never been kissed by anyone else?”

 

Jon shrugged again. “Not that I remember.”

 

“I can't believe it.”

 

Jon shrugged again.

 

“Don't seem right, a nice handsome boy like you never having been kissed by someone who meant it.”

 

Jon gave Sam a skeptical look. “I think Theon meant it. Based on where he put his hands...” He chuckled.

 

“I mean, a first kiss should be...”

 

“Eh, shut it Sam. I'm not missing much.” Jon insisted.

 

“How would you even know what your missing if you never had a proper first kiss though?” Sam demanded.

 

“Well, what's a 'proper first kiss' like?” Jon grumbled.

 

Sam glanced over his shoulder and checked that no one was around, before leaning over and pressing a quick closed mouth kiss to Jon's lips.

 

“There. That's what a proper first kiss should be. Someone who just wants you to be...happy or something.” Honestly, Sam's not sure _why_ he did that, other than knowing that Jon deserved better than some randy older boy trying to get into his pants as his first kiss. Actually the more he thought about it the more it seemed like a terrible impulse he should have imediately ignored, if Jon decided he didn't want to be friends anymore Same was fucked.

 

Jon smiled a tiny little bit, then winced when his face hurt. “That's kind of you Sam. Thanks. Weirdo.”

 

Very gingerly he moved over and leaned on Sam's shoulder.

 

“I know people tease you for being fat, but you do make the best pillow.” Jon mumbled.

 

Sam grinned and patted him once on the head awkwardly. “Are you alright Jon?” he asked. “You're face isn't too bad?”

 

“Nah.” Jon answered. “I only hurt everywhere when I'm conscious.”

 

Sam laughed and Jon started to but then groaned when it hurt.

 

“What that little? Well, stop milking it boy!” Sam growled, trying and failing to sound like Mister Thorne.

 

Sam picked up his book again and started reading. After a moment Jon had drifted off to sleep. Sam grinned at him. Jon was a funny sort of lad, but Sam was sure he was the best of all the boys in school.

 

But, when Jon started drooling on Sam's shoulder, Sam had no qualms about knocking him to the floor, best boy in school or not.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, Sam is the more experienced one in this fic for 2 reasons:  
> 1) Sam consistently shows better social skills and is more friendly with strangers than Jon is in both movie and book canon.   
> 2) Sam seems much more preoccupied with the idea of girls and missing girls in the show than Jon is. Also, in the book canon, Sam mentions how he was close with his mother, sisters and their various attendants. So, the girl mentioned here was a friend of his sister who he got along with.


	3. Foolish Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Jon continue to circle around each other. Not a lot happens.

Sam was worried at first, that that kiss in the library was going to change things, but it seemed like Jon had taken it as it had been intended: as a silly, almost joking act of kindness.

 

There was no doubt that it had, in some way, endeared Sam even further to Jon Snow, but other then grinning a little wider and smiling at him a bit more often, Lord Snow hasn't started treating Lady Piggy any different.

 

Which is good, Sam thought. The lads round here beat the tar out of each other in school mandated classes, there's no telling what would happen if the kind-of-hated-but-mostly-feared Jon Snow actually had feelings for Sam.

 

Sam had read about something called 'Asexuality' back when he was going through puberty and researching everything he could that might make the transition from fat kid to fat teenager a bit easier, and wonders if that's what Jon's deal is.

 

It would be a waste if it was, Sam couldn't help but think. Jon's face was starting to heal, so it was still purple but not swollen anymore, and he was back to being the most handsome boy in school. Besides, it's wrong to make assumptions Sam reminded himself, they were all still just teenagers figuring stuff out.

 

It was PE with Alistair Thorne and they were all doing push-ups in the mud. Well, trying to. Sam was the worst but Pyp wasn't much better and most of them end up collapsed in the muck feebly trying to keep going after not too long. Except Jon, of course. That boy must have arms of steel because Sam, with his nose about a quarter inch above he mud, could see that, though Thorne was screaming in his ear and putting his foot on his back, and Jon's arms were shaking, his pace wasn't faltering.

 

After the class, Sam snuck around back of one of the sheds and found Jon throwing up.

 

“You could just stop you know.” He said.

 

Jon straightened up and wiped his mouth. “I'm not giving him the satisfaction.”

 

Sam frowned. “But that's mad! He hurt you Jon! And you're what? Hurting yourself more to get back at him?”

 

“He didn't-” Sam didn't let Jon voice his denial. He was pale from being sick and it made his bruises look all the darker.

 

“I'm not an idiot Jon, no matter what everyone says. Your face. Did he do it himself or have someone else do it? It doesn't matter. It couldn't have happened unless a teacher allowed it and everyone but Thorne likes you.” Sam almost yelled.

 

Jon glanced around. “Well, maybe I don't want to give him the bloody satisfaction!” He hissed.

 

Sam sighed. “What does his stupid satisfaction matter Jon? Are you so proud you'd rather do push-ups till you puke then give up and let him have his fucking satisfaction?”

 

Jon shrugged. “I haven't got much other than my pride.”

 

“That's idiotic. You're the best of the lads in our class. You could do anything out of school. They say Jeor Mormont's got a lot of pull in the military and at some schools. He'd get you in wherever you wanted! You're what?! 15?! You'll be out of here soon and you ought to be smarter than to hurt yourself to spite someone else!!” Sam tried very hard not to yell.

 

Jon was staring at him. “What will you do when you get out?” he asked as if the idea of leaving Black Castle had never occurred to him before.

 

Sam gaped, completely taken aback. “I don't know. I've always wanted to be a scientist! Work things out, know the universe. But, I'm not going to get a penny from my Father, and it costs a lot of money...I'll try and get a job, start saving I guess.”

 

Jon nodded. “That's a good plan. I'll probably go to soldier.”

 

Sam snorted. Trust Jon to say 'go to soldier' instead of 'join the army' or something normal like that.

“You'd be good. You're the sort that the government wants us to think all soldiers are.”

 

Jon raised his eyebrows. “And what sort is that?”

 

“Oh you know, strong, brave, kind, of outstanding moral character and terribly handsome.”

 

Jon grinned and smacked Sam's arm. They turned and started the make the long walk up towards to change room. Half-way there Jon grabbed Sam's arm.

 

“Listen, Sam. If I do enlist, I'll give you my signing bonus. You should be able to go to school.”

 

Sam frowned. “Don't be silly Jon...” he started to say, but Jon ignored him and kept trudging up the hill to the school.

 

Sam shook his head. Jon was mad maybe. There wasn't any need to worry about him throwing his money away. They weren't graduating for another year or two. That was plenty of time for Jon to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I really debated whether or not to keep the stuff about Asexuality in or not. In the end I opted to because it just seems like something that Sam would know about and also wonder about. If anyone finds it insulting or poorly executed I'll take it out.


	4. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon receives bad news. Sam tries to help.

They were at breakfast when Mr. Thorne slammed a newspaper down in front of Jon and whispered something in his ear. Jon grabbed the paper tore it open and then ran out of the hall. Sam stood to go after him-

“No leaving the mess hall during meals Tarly!” Mr. Thorne bellowed.

 

“But Jon-” Sam tried to protest.

 

“Leave the bastard.” Thorne growled.

 

Sam sat back down. Jon wasn't in any of the morning classes. Sam waited for him but he didn't come to Mr. Aemon's English class or Mr. Mormont's History and he wasn't in the mess hall at the beginning of lunch either.

 

During lunch Sam went looking for Jon in all the usual places. Behind the sheds, on the roof, in the back of the library, the equipment roof, but it was when he checked what seemed like the most unlikely place that Sam found him.

Jon was in the barracks, packing his duffle bag with unusual fury. The newspaper was crumpled on the bed.

 

“Jon?” Sam asked “Jon? What happened? What are you doing here? Have you been here all morning?”

Jon looked up at Sam as if his heart had broken and left a hole that could only be filled with rage.

Sam took a step back.

 

Jon cleared his throat a few times and opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He tossed the paper in Sam's general direction.

 

Sam stooped to pick it up off the floor. It was folded to show an article about the death of a well known politician who had been murdered execution style, found in a hotel room with single shot to the head.

“Lord Eddard Stark?” Sam asked. “Why do you care about him?”

 

Jon's voice came out hoarse and strange as though he had been screamin and crying. “He's my father.”

 

“Oh. Lord Stark of _Winter_ fell. Jon _Snow_.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I'm sorry. I guess he'll never get a chance to visit you now.”

 

“Look at the date.” Jon whispered.

 

Sam glanced at the date on the paper. It was from nearly a week ago.

 

“No one even called here to tell me.” Jon muttered.

 

“So, why are you packing? Are leaving?” Sam exclaimed.

 

Jon turned to glower at Sam. “I came here because it was what my father thought was best. My father's dead now. I'm going.” He grabbed the duffel and tried to shove past Sam towards the door.

 

Sam had never been so happy to be fat. Because, if he wasn't fat than Jon could have shouldered him aside easily, but he is fat and Jon isn't strong enough to push him out of the way.

 

There's was a tense moment as Jon backed away and obviously considered what to do. He was cornered in the gap between two of the beds. Sam was blocking his exit.

 

“What'll you do if you leave huh? You're a teenager! You think you can make it on your own?! That your better than the rest of us?! Because believe me half the boys in this place tried that!!! AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT THEM!!!” Sam yelled.

 

Jon seemed taken aback and Sam pressed his advantage.

 

“You stay here. You finish school. If your Dad is as good as you say I'll bet he left you some money. You use that to do what YOU want.” Sam ordered.

 

Jon seemed to think about it. Being Jon this wasn't a quick process.

 

“My brother will need me.” He declared finally.

 

“If your brother needs you, he'll send for you, and if he sends for you I'll wish you well.” Sam answered.

 

Jon hesitated and sat down on the bed. Sam knew Jon wouldn't leave now.

 

“I just...I don't like it here.”

 

Sam sat next to him. “Noone _likes_ it here. No one is meant to. But, you've told me all these stories of your awful stepmum-”

“She's not my stepmum, she's my father's wife” Jon interuptted.

“Whatever you want to call her she's awful to you and I wouldn't put it past her to turn you out onto the streets if you showed up at her door unexpectedly so soon after your Dad's death.” Sam continued.

 

Jon thought about that for a moment before saying: “The little ones wouldn't stand for that. I'm Bran, Rickon and Arya's favourite.”

 

“Well, that won't matter to your father's wife will it? Did she let you live with her when your father went South?” Sam demanded.

 

“No.” Jon replied, defeated.

 

“No” Sam said with a nod. He grabbed the duffel from Jon's hand and dumped the contents out onto the bed.

 

“So stay.”

 

It's another two weeks before anyone sends word to Jon about his father's death. Jon doesn't smile once in that entire time, no matter what Sam does. Sam worries he'll never smile again. When word does come it's a pro forma letter informing Jon of provisions made for him in his father's will. It's not much, in the scheme of things, but it's more money than any of the boys on Castle Black are ever likely to save in their entire lives.

 

Jon blinked back tears when he read it. It was the first and only time Sam saw Jon cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait? Is this almost like a plot? What?! Don't worry the fluff continues in the next chapter.


	5. Library Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Jon have a talk about life.

 

After Jon's father dies, San starts to wonder whether he's ever going to see the dark haired boy smile again. Jon has always been serious, but now his face only seems to have 3 emotions, heartbroken, angry or some mixture of the two.

 

It upsets Sam to see Jon like that, because, no matter what the other boys say about the Bastard Snow with ice for a heart, Sam knows that Jon is kind. Jon was the one who stopped the beating Thorne was handing out on Sam's first day. Jon didn't just say something, he put himself between Sam and the people who wanted to hurt him. No one's ever done that before.

 

It's no accident that the only stories Jon tells about his life before the wall are about his little siblings, because Jon looks after people who need help. Sam can list them all off without even thinking: Arya, Jon's favourite, a feisty wild little girl who likes fencing and rugby, Bran who likes scary stories and was practically an expert gymnast until he fell and broke his spine, and Rickon who's a little terror but who's forgiven everything when he smiles. Jon cares about people, he looks after their whole little group.

 

Sam starts to wonder if Jon will ever get over it when he realizes his friend hasn't even antagonized Mr. Thorne since he got the letter about his father's will.

 

One day Jon doesn't come to Dr. Aemon's biology class. Sam sat through it taking careful notes, but the moment the bell rings, Sam threw caution, and the strict protocol of the school, to the wind and started looking for Jon.

 

It's a surprise to find Jon, not in any of his favourite places, but tucked up in Sam's favourite hideaway at the back of the library with an anatomy book on his lap.

 

“I never would have thought to find you here!” Sam gasped, winded from the run through the halls.

 

Jon shrugged. “You're the only one who comes here.” He traced a finger along a diagram of the shoulder, the different muscles and bones carefully labelled. “I bet you could recite all these right now.” He murmured.

 

Sam frowned and lowered himself to sit next to Jon. “Well, yes. Probably. Don't know why you're mentioning it or what it has to do with where you've been all day.”

 

Jon looked up and seemed very sad. “I've been trying to do better at my classes. I've been sneaking back here to study more, but, I'm not getting any better.” he admitted.

 

It shocked Sam that Jon would care about the book-learning part of Black Castle's curriculum, since, excepting Sam himself and Mr. Aemon, no one else did.

 

“Well,” Sam said, determinedly cheerful, “At least you're not getting any worse.”

 

Jon was so shocked by the old joke that he actually smiled one of his rare blinding smiles such as Sam hadn't had to pleasure of witnessing in well over a month, but he almost immediately became solemn again.

 

“I'm rather dim aren't I Sam?” He asked suddenly.

 

Sam was taken aback. “No, no your not.”

 

“You just say that because you're so clever Sam, you can't understand that people could be stupid, the same way that Grenn can't understand people could be clever, or Rast can't understand someone could be kind.” Jon continued.

 

“Or you can't understand how people can be cruel” Sam finished for him.

 

“I know about cruelty Sam.” Jon replied. “Maybe not as well as you or Pyp do but, I know it.”

 

“And you still are kind, and think that people ought to be kind.” Sam said.

 

“You're kinder than I am Sam. You don't knock people over the head with chair legs, or stab them in the arm with pencils.”

 

“Oh, you've haven't done anything like that in months.”

 

 "Days. I tried to drown Rast in the mud the other day."

 

"Well, Rast doesn't count!" 

 

Jon stared at the book on his lap. “It never even occurred to me to plan what I would do when I left here. I was going to do whatever my father told me to do.”

 

Sam frowned. “You say that but you wouldn't have really.”

 

Jon looked up at Sam, half hopeful and half disbelieving.

 

“You'll always do the right thing Jon, doesn't matter who's yelling in your ear. You'll do what's right.”

 

“What will you do?”

 

“I've told you what I'd do if I could: go to school, become a scientist or a doctor. Surely there must be something you've always dreamed of doing...”

 

“My uncle Benjen is an army ranger, when I was little all I wanted was to be like him. To be a ranger.”

 

“Well, see, you're not as dumb as you think, because when I was little all I wanted was to be a wizard.”

 

Jon looked at him very seriously. “You're a wizard Tarly.”

 

“Di-Did you just try to make a joke?” Sam asked.

 

Jon nodded, looking a bit unsure. “How was it?”

 

“Terrible. But, it was a first effort so there's room for improvement.”

 

Jon nodded and then, to Sam's surprise, reached over and grabbed Sam's hand in both of his. “Thanks for coming looking for me.”

 

Sam smiled. “Of course I came looking for you! You're my friend Jon! What kind of friend would I be if I let you stew in your grief and anger?”

 

“A friend like any other I've had in my life.” Jon answered.

 

Sam couldn't help but feel sorry for Jon in that moment. It was an odd feeling. Most of the time Sam admired Jon rather a lot. He was stronger, faster, a better fighter, more handsome, thin, and his father had loved him, but, though Sam's father had been more cruel than anyone Sam had heard of and his very name still spent shivers of terror down Sam's spine, Sam at least had never had too much trouble making friends.

 

“I could help you get into the army if you like. It shouldn't take me long to work out what you'd have to do to become a ranger.”

 

Jon gave Sam another tentative half smile. “Really? With your help I'm sure I could do it! Thanks Sam.”

 

And then suddenly Jon closed the gap between them and kissed Sam square on the mouth. He kept his mouth closed, just like Sam had done however many weeks ago, but it lingered longer than that kiss had. When it was over Sam gaped at Jon, opening and closing his mouth, trying to find the words to answer such an unexpected action.

 

Jon looked at Sam's face hopefully, but clearly whatever he was searching for wasn't visible, He turned bright red and, without a word, bolted for the door, leaving Sam alone in the back of the library surrounded by anatomy texts that he'd already read.

 

Oh shit. Sam thought. Oh fucking hell in a rowboat.

 


	6. Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pyp is always right. Sam and Jon try and sort out their feelings.

 

Unlike after the first kiss, things didn't go back to normal. Jon didn't really dump Sam as a friend exactly, which Sam was pathetically grateful for because broken hearts hurt but you know what hurt more? Getting elbowed in the face or beaten to a pulp during the breaks.

However, it was clear that Jon only kept Sam around because withdrawing his protection would have ended with Sam curled in a ball on the floor while Rast and his gang of scum kicked the shit out of him.

 

So Jon still sat with them at meals and near them at class, but where before he had sat next to Sam he now did his best to keep Pyp and Grenn between them at all times.

 

Jon hadn't smiled since that day in the library nearly 2 weeks ago. Sam had tried to catch him, to make him listen, but Jon was too fast, especially with a head start. Sam has a sneaking suspicion that Jon had recruited Satin, a new boy with a ridiculous name and a mean left hook to run interference for him.

 

Satin had arrived the day after the second kiss. Sam had had a bit of time to get to know him. So far, Sam didn't like Satin much. Satin was almost as pretty as Jon and smart as a whip. Satin smiled and laughed and probably could be friends with anyone, but Satin only seemed to like Jon. Not in a romantic way, Sam was pretty sure based on the hours of observation he'd put in at this point but still.

 

Sam has drawn conclusions about Satin.

 

Sam's conclusion are: Sam does not like Satin at all, and Satin is not the sort of person Jon should be friends with. Satin is mean. He makes jokes at other people's expense and consistently hits men when they're down. Satin has a vicious smile and a cruel laugh and for all his jokes he hasn't once made Jon smile. Not once. Sam managed to make Jon smile no less than 4 times in the first week they knew each other, granted Satin is working with the handicap of Jon being in mourning as well as deep emotional turmoil. Or, at least Sam hopes he's in deep emotional turmoil.

 

It would be very hurtful if Jon didn't care at all about unceremoniously ending their friendship.

 

Sam wasn't surprised that Pyp and Grenn had noticed the rift between Jon and Sam. After all they'd gone from practically attached at the hip to barely speaking. What really shocked him was that they seemed to care- after all they were Jon's friends first.

 

But Pyp and Grenn cornered him outside the mess hall.

 

“W-What the hell is g-g-going on Sam?” Grenn demanded.

 

“Yeah, it's all very well to have a row, but Frodo needs his Sam, Sam.” Pyp added.

 

“....”

 

“What? It's an apt parrallel to make!” Pyp protested when Sam and Grenn gave him an unimpressed and confused look respectively.

 

“Are you implying that Satin is Gollum? Because that's a parallel I can get behind.” Sam muttered.

 

“Yeah, we noticed” Pyp said with a giggle “I swear everytime you look at him...” he broke off into laughter “It's like you're a blood thirsty corgi who wants to protect his owner.”

 

“I feel very insulted by that Pyp.”

 

“Oh, I'm shivering in fear!” Pyp cried sarcastically. “Look, if you're hoping Jon's going to make amends for whatever it is he did, stop it. A man could grow old waiting for that bastard to get a clue.”

 

“What makes you so sure he's the one that did something?” Sam asked.

 

“Please, Sam. If you'd done something you'd have apologized right away. I mean, when Grenn knocked you down in the yard your first day here, you apologized you weren't a better fighter.”

 

“S'T-true!” Grenn added nodding vigorously.

 

“So..What did oh-so-perfect Lord Snow do?” Pyp asked with a mischievious grin. “It's been bothering us, see. We can't work out what he coulda done that he can't face you.”

 

“It's nothing Pyp. Really.”

 

“Uh-huh.” Py said not looking at all convinced. “Well, whatever it is, fix it.”

 

Sam nodded and edged past them.

 

 

 

Jon is in the only place in the school where no one else willingly goes; the roof. Sam is convinced that Jon is part seal or something because no one should love the cold the way he does.

 

Anyway, Sam climbed up and found Jon leaning against the railing looking miserable.

 

“Hi Jon.” Sam mumbled, feeling stupid.

 

“Sam.” Jon replied.

 

“Pyp thinks your Frodo.” He said because he wasn't sure how to start the conversation.

 

“Pyp thinks I'm who?” Jon said, looking confused.

 

“Frodo, the hobbit from Lord of the Rings?”

 

“That's a movie right?”

 

“You've never seen Lord of the Rings?”

 

“My father didn't approve of fantasy.”

 

“You're father sounds like he was not any fun at all. Anyway, your not much like Frodo because he wouldn't kiss someone and run away.”

 

“Oh. I hoped you weren't going to bring that up.”

 

Sam sat down next to Jon.

 

“So why did you do it?”

 

“Kiss you? Because...I wanted too.”

 

“And why did you run?”

 

Jon paused and looked at Sam with that hopeless look he sometimes got.

 

“Because...because I realized you didn't want to kiss me back and I'd ruined everything.”

 

Sam stared at Jon in complete shock.

 

“See you looked at me the way you're looking at me now...” Jon continued. “like you can't believe I would do that. Like you think I'm really fucking stupid.”

 

“I'm not looking at you like that!” Sam protested.

 

“You are though! And you did then too!”

 

“I just...I'm surprised...and I don't understand how you can think that.”

 

“Think what? That I'm stupid? Because I am, everyone knows it.”

 

“No! I mean, Yes you're not stupid, but I don't understand how you think I wouldn't want to kiss you! I kissed you first remember?” Sam said.

 

“You just thought it was pathetic that the only kiss I've ever had was Theon fucking Greyjoy who hates my guts and will do anything with a pulse.”

 

“I didn't think it was pathetic...”

 

“Well it fucking was!”

 

Carefully Sam reached out and grabbed Jon's hand, lacing their fingers together.

 

Jon stared at him as though he couldn't quite process what was happening.

 

“I liked that you kissed me. I was just surprised. I never though in a million years you'd kiss me.”

 

“Well, I did.”

 

“Yeah....Wanna do it again?”

 

Jon smiled softly and leaned over. Even though they were sitting on a freezing roof, in a military school for delinquents, the kiss was perfect.

 

 

It's not that things change after that.

 

No one knows that they hold hands under the table or make out behind the shelves at the back of the library.

No one knows that Sam has a list of all the surefire ways to make Jon Snow smile, including statistics on the efficacy of each method.

No one knows that when they're alone Jon likes to lean up against Sam and sometimes says things like “If the world has you in it maybe it's not so unfair after all.” and “I'm going to give you the money Father left me so you can go to Medical School.”

 

Sam is still fat. Jon is still frightening. But sometimes in the yard they'll catch each others eye and the cold dark of Black Castle Military School will be that much warmer and brighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Here we are at the end. Thanks so much to the people that have been following. I hope you enjoyed it.


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